Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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