i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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