she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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