If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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