My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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