How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
