Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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