new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
