I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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