If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
