You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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