I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
