All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
