No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
