Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
