I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
