jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize