She went from zero to smokin in five shots
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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