I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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