I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
