Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
