You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
