That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I smell stomach acid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
