My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
