Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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