hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
