Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
