I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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