I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
