I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I could fuck to npr.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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