There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
