so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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