yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
