Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
