i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
