I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
