Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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