We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
