So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
