if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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