I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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