Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
