what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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