apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
