she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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