You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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