I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
