he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
