I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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