he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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