So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
