You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
