Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
