You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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