During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She told me I should be a condom model.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
