I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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