.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
