I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Redeem this text for a blowjob
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize