she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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