I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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