I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
