So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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