when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
