never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize