just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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