No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
