So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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