just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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