This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
