Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
