i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
