eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
