I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
