it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
