i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
