he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am available for nakedness
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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