Yo dont text me then not text me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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